(And Other Signs of Codependency), Am I an INFJ? Anger is a very normal emotion, something everyone experiences in their lives. It’s like a war between our Fe and Fi functions. They may feel that they can’t trust their intuition, which is a dangerous place for an INFJ to be. At times they may trigger an emotional mood to catalyze a situation and create some kind of growth or impact. Introverted thinking sorts out the underlying logical framework of a problem. One day, a student called me and said that he has an exam tomorrow and he feels like slapping his grandmother for not arranging the lessons with me today. If the situation worsens, they may abruptly call out the behavior, and if one of their core values is violated they may go so far as to get into a shouting match or charged state of aggression. It may not be very obvious to the outside world. We snapped and lashed out at other people unexpectedly. But luckily, they understand where I’m coming from and respect my desire for serenity. Give them a break from non-essential responsibilities. These are things that INFJs might not be aware of.

For some people this is something which happens more frequently, for others it seems easier to avoid becoming angry over most things.

© Yong Kang Chan. In situations where someone is corrupting the emotional atmosphere for their own selfish gains, an INFJ can become severely angered. But after having depression, I realized that I have a very bad relationship with anger. Being Angry Is Not Part of INFJ’s Identity. There was an error submitting your subscription. Because INFJ’s value Introverted Thinking, these things can make them angry: When INFJs get angry, they’re likely to process their feelings through Introverted Thinking before expressing them out loud. And it is to be differentiated with INFJ door slam where we cut the person out completely. For example, I used to not want to close the door when I’m working on something because I didn’t want my family members to feel bad about watching TV or having a conversation with each other in the living room.

People usually don’t associate the word “anger” with INFJs. It’s not always meant as a passive-aggressive instinct. When you sense that the anger has lost some of its momentum and energy or you realize that the thoughts have become repetitive, this is the time for you to intervene. Even when they realize that they made the right choice, it still becomes something that they will have doubts about later on. Try to create a logical, reasonable, precise argument that you can use to make the offending person aware of their mistake.

You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter! Because only I know how turbulent my insides are… But thank you sooo soo much for sharing these. We’ll look for patterns, underlying meanings, and hidden agendas before we focus on our own subjective feelings regarding a situation. I told my student, “Yes, I do get angry on rare occasions. However, what if you communicate your needs, and the other person doesn’t respond to your needs kindly? So I was outraged when my brother provoked me. 4. © 2020 Psychology Junkie. When they witness someone they care for in pain, the INFJ can become extremely protective. We INFJs already possess these skills. Especially, when we think that our kindness has been abused, that can make us really angry. There is an internal conflict between empathy and anger. If the INFJ really wants to be able to process their anger or frustrated feelings, they need to take time for themselves to really do this. INFJs can easily detect other people’s moods, emotions, and needs. Because they’ve lost their vision and insight, they feel dragged around by their sensing side – distracted by all the details that never used to bother them. They care about people and want to be able to have faith in others and believe in the best in them. Somehow, we are afraid to let other people know that we are angry with them. We’re often described as sensitive and empathetic individuals with a keen eye on future possibilities – but, like everyone, we also have a dark side. We act like everything is fine and try not to let other people know that we are angry but in reality, we might be harboring resentment inside. The INFJ can really unload on this person, and often has a way of knowing their weaknesses and how to tear them down. The more we think about how the other person hurts us, the angrier we get. They also have a compulsion to take care of the emotional atmosphere and take care of people in an emotional and physical sense.

The issue with experiencing anger is that some people choose to repress this and that […] That alone sends me into a rage even when I cope with the other more “valid” reasons of anger by only withdrawing in my Ni and Ti. Like I mentioned above, INFJs seldom impose their personal values and needs on others. And he immediately replied to me with a harsher, angrier tone, “Why can’t I be angry?”. But after having depression , I realized that I have a very bad relationship with anger. Do you have any insight or experiences to share? What is the future implication of this rumor being spread? What else is going on here that I might not be thinking of? Extraverted feeling will be absorbing all the mixed emotions, sensing everyone’s discomfort, and feeling a compulsion to “fix” this situation. They might not even realize that we are angry at them until much later. But when we over-identified with our extraverted feeling (Fe) function, it causes us problems. Now check your email to confirm your subscription. Usually, anger is used to cover up hurt feelings and underneath the hurt feelings, there is love, especially if you are angry with people that are close to you. Sensing his anger and afraid that he would act out violently, I told him not to be angry. The issue with experiencing anger is that some people choose to repress this and that can often make it worse in the long run. 4. As I was researching about “INFJ anger”, I came across this Quora example of INFJ’s rage: My friend, the quiet INFJ softie people-pleaser; a guy who works hard to create harmony between people and loathes violence and conflict. For example, imagine that you’re an INFJ and you’re angry because someone slacked off on a commitment and now you’re running late on a deadline for work. One thing I learn from my anger outbursts is that I have to communicate my needs better. They might try to shut off noise, lights, or find a room they can hide away in to deal with their thoughts and charged emotions. 9.

It finds logical relationships, inconsistencies, and checks to make sure things align with one’s logical principles. At that moment, I realized he’s right. To see others or ourselves being treated unfairly, mean, disrespectfully, or be bullied, this might trigger INFJs’ anger. INFJ anger is a particular type of anger. This is a passive-aggressive way of fixing our anger. Having empathy for others is good. For example, imagine that you’re at a family gathering, and one family member is mocking the religion or political opinions of another family member, thereby creating tension and discomfort. They can get their own emotions mixed up with the emotions of other people and lose sight of the facts. INFJ Anger: INFJ Dealing with Rage Anger is a very normal emotion, something everyone experiences in their lives. I'm sorry I can't give you specific advice because I'm just a stranger on an internet, but I can share some things that have helped me. 2. But I can definitely see this happening because when INFJs come back to our senses and the extraverted feeling function (Fe) kicks in, we are able to see the harm we inflicted on others. Occasionally, there is no mental noise at all. They can become very protective of their loved ones and don’t want to just allow people to hurt them.

When I was young, I nearly strangled my younger brother to death. Everyone has their own way of processing and dealing with emotions, especially when it comes to anger. I’m so used to pushing the anger down. Repressed and passive anger can hurt our health, our body, and our brain in the long run. They feel like they’ve lost part of themselves – as if they’re having an out-of-body experience, or they can’t control their impulses. But I’m sure you know how impossible it is for INFJs to work in a noisy environment. Of course, this doesn’t work for long. Success! So instead of dealing with the conflict upfront, we might put on a happy face and ignore or deny our angry feelings. Some people can think that this behavior is passive-aggressive or that INFJs are giving them the “silent treatment.” However, this quiet stage is an INFJs way of sorting out the information through intuition and thinking without getting overwhelmed by the emotions of everyone else. Let’s take a look at the INFJ function stack and how that’s affected by anger-triggers.

I was bullied by my classmate because I refused to let him copy my homework. (Sorry, my family members!) We just don’t remember our love for them. Grip stress is extremely unpleasant for INFJs.

How to Deal with Controlling People in Your Life. However, once they are, beware. Communicating our needs directly to others is not easy for INFJs. If INFJs are in a state of grip stress they can be more harsh, reactive, blunt, and critical than usual. What we can do is to make a u-turn and direct this empathy we have for others inward for ourselves.

My brother told me that after I strangled him, I went hiding under a table crying and shouting like a madman. When people point out our weakness in this area it can make us feel ashamed or awkward. It makes so much difference. It becomes difficult for them to cope with those moments where their rage gets the better of them, as they likely feel rather guilty over it. INFJs who aren’t able to embrace and trust their intuition can become anxious, stressed, irritable, reactive, and depressed. Follow through on your promises and commitments.

Often times it seems that the goal of INFJ anger is to separate a person from social harmony. Imagine you’re playing a game of tennis – Se is what helps you to stay zoned into the court, the ball, the racket in your hand, and respond to hit the ball at the right time and at the right angle. Reactive angry or violent expressions that lack any inward analysis.