Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes

30 of Michael McIntyre’s best jokes and funniest one-liners I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

Because they might peel!

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Reason being, things work.” – Henning When, “I’m learning the hokey cokey. Went to the doctors and said: “Have you got anything for wind?” He gave me a kite. I was having dinner with a world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train load of terrapins.

What a turtle disaster! The world’s best comedians have said these sickest one liners.

50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people’s pants. Morons. Why are ghosts bad liars? My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. Well if that’s true, what do you think smoking cannabis does?” – Mickey P Kerr, “How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?….

25 of the most ‘textbook’ Alan Partridge quotes Hardik: Very Nice Stories Between us, something smells! ‘Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock, “Love is like a fart. I’ve got a friend who’s fallen in love with two school bags. “Crime in multi-storey car parks. Mark Twain, George Bernard Shaw, Winston Churchill, were all people of immense importance, but more than that, they knew what CLASSIC CLAPBACKS were as well! What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? It’s okay. 41 of Eddie Izzard’s funniest jokes and quotes

Not all of it. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. It’s a giraffe, mate. Used to take it to the pictures and that. And the man says, ‘No, I’ll take it with me now. On Hanukkah, my mother had our menorah on a dimmer.” – Richard Lewis, “My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. The bartender says, “What’ll you have?” The skeleton says, “Gimme a beer and a mop.”, A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “Really? '” – Ronnie Barker, “It’s really hard to define ‘virtue signalling’, as I was saying the other day to some of my Muslim friends over a fair-trade coffee in our local feminist bookshop.” – Lucy Porter, “If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?” – Dara Ó Briain, “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” – Russell Howard, “Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. 16 of Barry Chuckle’s greatest jokes

If you like these clean one liner jokes, you’ll also like these 45 Really Funny Clean Jokes And Puns. Clean Christian jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean jokes and humor about cops, criminals, robbers, speeding, the law, jail, and more. 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners

Because they use honey combs!

He was too clothes minded.